Raise your hand if you love the Olympics!
*Jumps up and down, waving hands while squealing like a maniac*
Yeah, okay, so I might be a (not so) closet fan of the Olympics!
What’s not to love? Watching gymnasts soar through the air, swimmers swimming better than fish themselves, the equestrian cross country event jumping, the martial arts, the soccer games, the… everything!! Love it!
To me, Olympians are what we all could be if we solely dedicated ourselves to one sport while eating, breathing, sleeping, and not socializing outside of said sport.
Okay, so maybe most of us (or is it just me?) are too lazy to be so dedicated, not athletic enough, or… we eat too much chocolate.
So we sit back and watch the fruits of someone else’s blood, sweat and tears come to fruition or frustration and say, “Yeah I could do that if my parents had started me in the gym at the tender age of two! Since they didn’t, I’ll just sit here eating my chocolate croissant and cheer on someone else.”
Having said that, being a parent has given me plenty of opportunities to participate in Olympic events, from marathon crying sessions to sprinting for the bathroom while holding a puking child. In an effort to turn everyday hardships into something a little more fun, here are some events that I feel are missing from the Olympics.
Getting Out Of Bed
But not just any ole getting out of bed.
It’s the getting-out-of-bed-after-a-sleepless-night-because-of-children-while-pregnant competition.
You will be judged on how fast you get up and limber you can make it look.
Nighttime Emergencies Relay
You will be judged on your teamwork with your partner. Points awarded for smooth handoffs, points deducted if one partner has to prod the other. Bonus points can be earned by staying as close to the sleeping state as possible while tending to your child’s needs.
Points will be awarded for how fast you get out the door while carrying the max amount of children and baby gear as possible. To earn an extra 50 points, do this while 9 months pregnant.
Combing And Fixing A Toddler’s Hair
Must be done in 30 seconds or less, points will be awarded on how neat it is. Points deducted per participant that ends up crying (including the hairdresser). 100 extra points if you are a man doing your daughter’s hair.
This is a difficult sport. You will be nursing your older active baby who cannot stay still long enough to nurse properly. In addition, you will need to perform some task while trying to nurse him/her. Points awarded depending on how difficult your task is. If you are reading a book, it cannot be yours and it has to still be in one piece. Points deducted if pages are wrinkled. If knitting, points lost depending on how many stitches dropped and you must be knitting it as a present for someone else and be under a time crunch to get it done.
Getting Your Toddler Into Appropriate Clothing
Points awarded for how big the event is:
- Errands – 5 points
- Church – 20 points
- Wedding – 25 points.
Points awarded for the most creative way of changing toddler’s mind, points lost for escalating temper tantrums on either side.
This is a timed event. How much can you get done while baby and toddler take a nap at the same time?
Emergency House Cleaning
Hubby just called and your in-laws will be there in two hours. Points awarded on how organized your house is at the end of the time period. Bonus points can be earned by vacuuming, dusting, loading the dishwasher, and making the beds.
Cooking Dinner For Unexpected Guests
The same in-laws will need to be fed. Points awarded for how “fancy” the dinner is.
Come back next week for part 2!