Dear Youngest Child,

As much as I love you, waking up every two hours is not considered a restful night’s repose.  Also, I would like to remind you that when you decide to eat more than normal, the cafe runs out of food more quickly than usual.  Screaming fits at 2 AM do nothing to remedy the problem.  Please go back to your nightly schedule.

Thank you,

Management

 

Dear Middle Child,

I love you.

Please sleep in your own bed.

Thank you,

Your Sleep Deprived Parents

 

Dear Alarm Clock,

I. Hate. You.

The. End.

Me

 

Dear School Officials,

Can we start school at a more decent time of day, like, say, 10:00 would be awesome.

Sincerely,

Sleep Deprived Parents Everywhere

 

Dear Cat,

I’m sorry you hate your current brand of cat food, but laying on my face and then racing to the food dish when I get up is not going to make me buy another brand RIGHT THIS INSTANT.  Especially not at 2 AM.

Sincerely,

Hooman

 

Dear Coffee,

You are not doing your job.

This is a breakup letter.

Consider it a Dear John letter.

Goodbye,

Adrenal Fatigue and Hypothyroidism

 

Dear Chocolate Chip Muffins,

STOP calling my name every time I walk by you in the grocery store!!  We are NOT friends.  I don’t know you!!

Love,

Me

PS Having you for breakfast was as a terrible of an idea as it sounded like.  Ugh, my stomach…