The grocery store has always been the source of many embarrassing and awkward encounters with the human race for me. For some reason, it is one of my children’s favorite places to relapse in social graces. They might be well-behaved all day long, up until we enter the grocery store. Suddenly, they turn feral and mysteriously become ravenously hangry.
But they’re not starrrrrrving for healthy food.
No, they’d rather have the highest sugar and carb count as possible!! Throw in some major food dye and it’s perfect!
In one specific encounter, I had three kids and was about 7 months pregnant, sleep deprived, felt (and looked) like a whale, stressed, and my Life’s Companion had been working VERY long hours (sometimes unable to come home at night!). As soon as we walked through the doors, it began.
Asking for things.
I had told them that I had a specific amount of money and I could not buy them junk food.
They saw some Frozen gummies and asked, like, 10 TIMES if they could have them, apparently deaf to the word “no”.
Finally, I said I didn’t have a dollar to spare to buy them, meaning it as a joke (because when it comes to those things I do NOT have a spare dollar!), but also knowing it’d remind them of what I had told them.
Unfortunately, this lady overheard me and insisted on buying them for the kids. I had to tell HER no, like, 5 TIMES!!!
Not only am I telling my kids no, but now I’m telling strangers no!!!!
FINALLY, she left.
Then a few aisles later, my 3-year-old decided my coffee cup preferred being in the cart and just tossed it back there. The mouthpiece was not on and it landed face down. 2+2=4 and liquid loves gravity, so I had to go find an employee and ask for a mop in aisle 3.
I swore I was NEVER going out into public again.
Until the next time, that is.
The next time, or was it a few after that??, I had a Rockstar Mom For Taking Her Sick Children Out In Public Moment.
My oldest, in hopes of convincing me to buy a pizza (it might have worked, I was pregnant) asked, “Mom, do you feel like cooking tonight??”
My middle child was puzzled and asked hopefully, “Do you feel like a cookie???? What did you say?!”
This was just before she and the youngest girl child both fell into an extreme coughing fit in the Egg Aisle.
And then Middle Child coughed so hard to the point of gagging and slightly puking in the Pizza Aisle.
I grabbed a pizza and ran!
No, I didn’t.
I found an employee and asked for a rag.
Not every time we walk through the Hallowed Doors of Abundance is a time of pure torture and strangulation. Well, those moments are mixed in, but sometimes there can be some pretty entertaining results.
The kids, and the middle girl child in particular, were being a bit crazy in the grocery store.
I finally growled at the middle child to stop yelling or she was going to sit in the car and wait for us (a blatantly empty threat, but she hasn’t caught on yet) and that I was tired of telling her 42 million times to be quiet.
She opened her eyes wide at me and said, “Nuh uh!! You only told me THREE times!!!”
Of course, this tickled my sense of humor and I burst out laughing.
Another time, I was trying to get my middle girl child’s attention (yes, a lot of the incidents involve her. If you knew her, you’d know why!).
I went through the entire rotation of names at my disposal, including the dog’s name, and finally ground out in mounting frustration at myself, “You! Middle child!”
The man intently studying the diced tomatoes next to me suddenly had a hard time breathing correctly.
Wonder if he caught on that I tried calling her the dog’s name, too…