Life In General · Misadventures

I was THAT mom…

Yesterday, I was THAT mom.

You know the one, bedhead and unbrushed teeth even though it’s 3 PM, crazy kids running around the grocery store, baby screaming in the carseat…

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Yeah, that was me.

We had just come from the library where I had spent an hour doing some preliminary price research for certain items to go into my Etsy shop.

The girls had been extraordinarily well-behaved and helpful in keeping the baby entertained.

Believe me, I was just as surprised and astounded as everyone else by their good behavior.

I told them they could pick out a treat when we went to the grocery store.

They were excited and chatty and told everyone they met that This Is The Best Day Ever, Because Mom Let Us Have A Treat!!!

I always take the self check out because there’s hardly ever a line and it’s faster.

The kids LOVE the self check out.

Unfortunately, the self check out does NOT love them back.

“You have an extra item in your bag. Please remove this item to continue.”

I pick child #3 up off of the scale and set her back on the floor.

Baby starts fussing.

“Please bag the item before continuing.”

I take said item out of child #1’s hand and put it in the bag.

Baby turns up volume on his fussing and seriously starts to think about scream crying.

“You have an extra item in your bag. Please remove this item to continue.”

I remove child #2’s hand from scale.

She scans another item, puts her hand on the scale again, I remove her hand again, take item from her, and set it in the bag.

Baby starts Scream Mode.

You know what I mean, the I’m Unhappy And I Don’t Care Who Knows It, Just Get Me Out Of This Stinking Carseat Mode.

“Please wait for assistance.”

I frantically look around for someone to help, try to prevent #3 from climbing onto the scale again, block #2 from trying to scan another item, tell #1 to stop squabbling with her sisters about whose turn it is next, and jiggle the carseat to hopefully distract screaming baby.

I start losing it.

Before I know it, I’ve yelled at one to “Stop!!! Just stop it!!” and another to “Knock it off!!” and the third, “Please! Just. Back. OFF!!”

Suddenly, my vision tunnels and for one glorious second the noise and confusion fades and I think about how nice it would be to completely lose my mind right then and there.

Like Straight Jacket lose my mind.

They would take me away and put me into a padded room and I could just be by myself.

No arguments to work out.

No refereeing whose turn is next.

Just take some happy pills and be.

Then a kind voice breaks through and a well-meaning lady says, “You look like you could use some help.”

She tries talking to the baby, which is ineffective at this point as he is in the throes of a screaming fit, but what else can you do?

I bag the rest of my items, thank her, and leave as quickly as I can.

What do you know, a moving cart calms Baby Boy right down.

I make it out to the parking lot, take a few deep breaths, and try to let go of the emotions building up inside me.

Just when I think I have a handle on myself again, and am about to open the door to load the baby into the car, I notice a car very obviously waiting to get into the parking space that the kids are running around and pushing each other in!!!

I once again yell at them to knock it off, pull the cart up by the nose of my car and wait for her to pull in.

She does so without much further ado, but leaves very little space between her car and mine.

She slips out and leaves me with a grocery cart trapped against the curb, a baby starting to fuss again, three unruly children, and 4 bags of groceries.

It took about 10 seconds, but I finally manage to swallow the very real impulse to scratch her perfectly washed, probably garage kept, pristine Honda 4runner with my grocery cart.

I finally sigh and tell the kids to get into the car on the other side.

“Why?” they ask.

“Because,” I sigh again, “there’s no car in that parking space.”

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4 thoughts on “I was THAT mom…

  1. Ha! I can totally relate! I can’t handle the self check out with kids. One day I had a huge cart full of stuff and the only lines open were the self check out, speedy (10 items or less) and one regular line with two people in front of me. I endured waiting for full service with my kids trying to beg for everything in the checkout line. Finally I started putting my stuff up and the lady says “Im sorry but I’m actually going on break now.” I almost cried. I ended up going to self check out just so I wouldn’t risk anyone seeing me have a meltdown!

    Liked by 1 person

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